I am not a coffee drinker and never have been. However, I did discover a drink recently at Starbucks that I kind of like and if I have an early meeting or something I will stop and grab a $4.82 “Venti Skim Iced Caramel Macchiato”. Now that’s quite a mouthful. I feel like a complete imbecile saying all of that stuff at the counter especially when I don’t know what a Macchiato is and why they just can’t accept that I just want to say large instead of venti, in addition to the fact that I don’t understand why tall is small and grande is medium when it actually means large. This to me is stupid, but that’s not all.
I don’t know the difference between a Macchiato, a Chai, a Latte, a Mocha, a Frappucino, a Blended Coffee, a Skinny, or a shot (and a shot of what). It is so confusing to go in there and try to figure this stuff out on the fly with everyone else in there is ordering in Starbucksese, which they all seem to speak fluently but I am currently not even proficient. This bothers me.
So I have decided to take the anti-Starbucksese approach to ordering my drink. As I sit here typing this post, sipping on my “Venti Skim Iced Caramel Macchiato”, I have decided to take a stand and never order in Starbucksese again. I will in the future order a large caramel coffee drink with ice-which is exactly what it is. I refuse to partake or attempt to partake in the Starbucksization of America and act like its latte loving robotic customers-some of who shockingly spend $15-$20 a day in Starbucks.
I have to give credit where credit is due and Starbucks has in fact invented a new language which has become a part of mainstream American and global society. Did you know that in a 2 block radius of Grand Central Station in New York City, there are 13 Starbucks-13! Starbucks is also hugely prevalent in Europe and Asia with lines almost as long as they are here in the US. They have also produced a cash cow managing to convince people to pay $3-$5 for a cup of coffee over and over again. Their logo is one of the most recognizable logos around and their stores in smaller towns like the one I grew up in have become the central social meeting place. However, I refuse to become one of the herd.